An Open Letter to My Niece (written with a heavy heart)

I have loved you since the day you were born.  Then I was given the honor of being your Godmother.

Whether near or far, of all my nieces and nephews; I have always tried to make things just a bit more special for you.  That’s what Godmother’s do.

Our family is a tight knit large group.  We have always been there for each other through thick and thin.  Since I was a child our family has run on certain traditions, unspoken rules and high moral values.  From simple things like greeting each other with hugs; showing up for all occasions from birthdays to school events, athletic endeavors and holidays;  To more important life events like college graduations, weddings, babies and life threatening health issues.  These are not always easy choices as you grow and have a more independent life into adulthood. It’s called common courtesy and respect for the people that have raised you.  Your first 20 years, was never just your parents raising you.  The yarn that knits a family together…that keeps a family together.

No family is perfect.  Challenges come up and we do our best to hold up the members that are struggling no matter what that struggle is.

In life there are gardeners and there are flowers.  Your grandmother and grandfather are among the best gardeners in the whole world bar none.  Their empathy and compassion for the human condition cannot be challenged by anyone who knows them.  They give even when it’s a struggle.  There is something they ask in return…to do what’s right.  To be kind, respectful and courteous and continue the family values.

The way you have decided to deal with a life event of your own, has left the entire family heart broken and confused that you have decided to alienate us all. Be disrespectful and selfish to no end.  When the reality is that all any of us want is your happiness.  If you don’t question why the people that have been closest to you, and love you so deeply, are the ones you have put a wall in front of is ok.  I will ask for you?  Why aren’t you seeking their sage advice? Why aren’t you running to us instead of away from us?  Stop hiding behind the concept that people in the family don’t treat Gary the way you would like them too.  You have not done anything to move toward resolution.  Instead you are digging in and trying to place blame and accusations.  Acting like a bratty 10 year old instead of a mature young woman.  Time to learn to see both sides.

Taking on the role of being an adult has responsibilities you seem unwilling or too immature to execute.  These feel like harsh words I know; but they are very true.  They are meant to teach, not to cause pain.  As one of the older members of the family I feel a responsibility to address what the majority are feeling.

No amount of “he said, she said” will bring this situation to a happy resolution.  You instead have to make some very hard choices now;

In making choices remember that it is very important to be able to own them, take responsibility for your role in the situation and stand by them without regret.  Stand firm and don’t waiver. Additionally, understand there are three sides to every story in life; the perception of each person involved, the interpretations of others and the truth (Truth is often unknown and irrelevant because the emotions of perception rule our brains).

If your choice is to burn bridges with the family, remember that rebuilding comes at a very big cost.  Having a family interested enough in your wellbeing and happiness, is a blessing even when it feels like a curse.  Yes, we judge the people you bring into our family.  If we have reservations we ask questions.  If YOU have the conviction that the relationship is exactly what it needs to be; then show us the person you love, who is your friend.  Locking us out causes more walls and questions, not less.  Make us believers too!  Do you have to?  No!  Should you want to? Yes!

For the family that is so hurt and can’t understand your choices;  The hurt they feel is what is lashing out…a lot of strong feelings and words being thrown around.  This is often how love disguises itself when we fear we will lose the person we love!

You use the phrase and believe that “the people that come to the wedding are the people who care and those who don’t come, don’t care”.  This couldn’t be further from the truth.  You have made it impossible for me, your godmother, and godfather to be there.  You have chosen to disregard two other major life events that were already set in stone.  And worst of all you have chosen to disregard and disrespect two of the most important people in your life among others.

I wish I was going to be there for what should be one of the many Happiest Days of your life!

This letter has no conclusion…just the hope of family unity! Taylor You Are Loved by this Family.

Nothing is more important than this day. Stay present in your life…Happiness is the Truth!

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